Anyway back to my point, there are people that can keep
secrets well and those that have diarrhoea of the mouth that should NEVER be
told anything and should know better, as soon as you let someone else know
something that wasn’t supposed to be told…it’s no longer a secret.
Some secrets are good, some are juicy and controversial.
Especially in this day and age of social media we allow strangers and people we
hardly know into our personal lives quite easily and without thought most of
the time, but then we justify by saying “they
don’t really know my personal business” but as the saying goes, a picture can paint a
thousand words.
You’re judged on EVERYTHING nowadays, from your choice of
display picture on BBM & Twitter. To what you tweet and put up on Blackberry,
Facebook blah blah blah. How many times have you seen someone’s picture or
tweet and thought “you’re annoying/ you’re
cool/ I wish you would shut the hell up.”
Anyway, maybe its personal choice or a defence mechanism but
some people decide to live very reserved lives or keep a lot to themselves…
especially men. We women know that men do not tend to like women that talk too
much, talk to loud or talk back. We women will digress our problems, past
relationships, emotions & feelings, what we had for breakfast & the
person that pisses you off at work who you wish you could choke slam into the
floor to our friends and family & even people we hardly know, furthermore
sometimes getting to know someone we pour out our lives, this conversation is easier
when alcohol is involved.
It’s often been said “don’t let too many people know the
details of your relationship” because highlighting your problems and issues
with your partner invites too many opinions and often terrible advice.
Sometimes you do want an outside opinion whether it’s to make you feel right
about how you handled the situation, you genuinely want their advice, or you
just need to outlet to someone else apart from your partner as to why they piss
you the hell off & you usually start the conversation with “this stupid/dumb/annoying boyfriend of mine….”
Men don’t tend to let people know the ins and outs of their
relationship because from their point of view, they don’t really need to know.
The only thing that people need to be aware of is that is their woman, do not approach
her, do not disrespect her, do not pass go, and do not collect £200. If &
when they come across a problem or disagreement they can handle the situation
themselves, they are fully aware that his girlfriend will probably tell at
least ONE woman (usually her best friend) and usually dramatise what happened
between them, but they are confident that when it comes to things that should
remain sacred that his partner has more sense to blabber, there has to be a
level of trust not only in terms of commitment but in communication too.
My question however is… “is there such a thing as being
TOO secretive?”
Is there a boundary from not letting anyone know your
business to not knowing your business at all? Obviously we don’t want to be
seeing/dating a stranger and it’s understandable that it takes time to build
that trust and close relationship. But how long is too long before you realise
that even though you know you’re partner you don’t really KNOW your partner?
I know people that when they start dating, they say “let’s just keep our relationship between you
and me for now” and as women you 99% of the time will agree, even though in
your head you’re doing backflips because you’ve got the man you’ve been
crushing on for a while (don’t lie). However how long do you allow your
relationship to stay a secret for? Before you know it, you’ve been with him for
a YEAR and as far as everyone else is concerned you’re “just friends”.
I’m not saying everyone has to know the place and date of every
time you meet your partner, but if people aren’t even aware that you’re dating
especially if you’ve been with them for a while you have to question their
motives. It’s the simple acknowledgment
and respect of saying publicly “I’m seeing (insert name)” is not too much to
ask in my opinion.
There has to be a deeper reason apart from “I don’t tell
people my business/ I’m really reserved/ it’s just the way I am” that you find
a reason to keep your relationship secret. I’m not saying you have to stand at the top of
the hill with my face printed on a t-shirt and you shout your undenying love
for me, this is not Twilight this is real life.
You like to be awarded and recognised for all your hard work
you do, from your parents, your close friends and from your workplace so why
not from the person you are seeing?
If you’re investing your time, emotions and life with
another person and you KNOW that you are more than “just friends” why would you
keep quiet over something that doesn’t need to be so quiet?
Because from when you allow someone to do that, the lines
are blurred, you’re uncertain of your place and position in the relationship. You
start to rationalise everything in your head “yeah we’re not official but we
act official when we’re together, he/she does this for me, I’ve met their
parents, he/she say’s that to me, but I feel like we’re in a relationship”
before you know it your going out your mind as to what you are to that person
and where the relationship is headed.
Instead of concentrating on what they have said, you need to
concentrate on what they DIDN’T say. If they haven’t called you their woman/man
it’s because to be brutally honest you’re not. You’re a friend, a friend they
spend time with, get on with real well,
speak to on a regular basis, likes your pictures and statuses on Facebook,
sleep with (and thoroughly enjoy doing so), confide in… but you’re NOT their
partner. I don’t care how many friends and family members you’ve met, how many
dates you’ve gone out on, how many pictures you have together on your phone,
you’re a friend choose which one you want to be Rachel, Ross, Phoebe, Chandler,
Joey , Monica whatever.
If you get to a point where you decide being called a “friend”
isn’t good enough then fair enough, but at the same time you shouldn’t have
allowed to be called a “friend” for so long and now all of a sudden you want to
act like a monthly phone bill contract and want to be upgraded. If you’re a
friend how many other friends does that person have? What makes you certain
that you’re so special? I’m not saying it to be harsh I’m just asking simple
questions.
I’m just saying from day one of the
courting/dating/relationship ground rules have to be established. You shouldn’t
expect a marriage proposal you have to be realistic but you also have to be
respected at the same time! It’s not
nice being friend-zoned by someone that you are interested in pursuing a
relationship with, so make sure that they put BOY or GIRL in front of that
friend word, if it’s something that you both
agree is where the relationship is at.
Kisses & Bumflicks
Miss Vexy
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