Apologises for me being a little quiet recently I've had to deal and I am still dealing with a major grievance in my family but I'm just taking each day at a time, and trying to stay strong and thank God for giving me such an amazing grandfather who is now watching over me x x
This whole week I've been in a state of nostalgia, and its through complete coincidence that I was scrolling through my WhatsApp through boredom and to distract my mind from being upset that I saw a profile picture and immediately it reminded me it's been four years to the day that I was in a complete difference space in my life but now I don't even care about!
Let me set the scene, four years ago I was seeing a certain
This guy deserved an Oscar for the extent of covering up his lies, deceit and double life that he had with both of us, and it's crazy when you look back at certain events and times I feel like punching myself because there were numerous times when if I just used my DAMN SENSE and spoke up for myself I could have saved myself the anger, embarrassment and time I wasted on him.
Let me start from the beginning, this was someone I had known from the beginning of my teenage years, these times I had braces and braids remember these were the times when Moesha was big and I was obsessed with Brandy (I still am!). We met and long story short we start speaking and became friends and later on years later we started seeing each other. Looking back that was a HUGE rookie mistake that I was quote on quote seeing someone and giving them the good good when they weren't even my boyfriend! But as I said I was young aka STUPID so I made it very clear to him that I am extremely loyal with who I lie down with and I expect the same loyalty from them too, if that situation changes then he must tell me because I don't share penis..no way...no how.
"But why didn't you guys just make it official?"
I know that's what a lot of you are thinking right now, but if I'm honest because we were friends and at that moment of time I didn't want to be in a relationship, it was because of pure convenience that we were on and off, we both knew the status of our relationship, and we were good friends and I'll be honest he knew how to lay the SMACKDOWN in the bedroom department so when I needed that scratch to be itched, he was just a text away (WhatsApp had just started those times..can you imagine?) We spoke regularly, we went out, knew each others friends and had mutual friends, spent together and all that jazz so I didn't feel like I needed anything more at that point. This is why it's important that you don't allow penis/vagine to be the only reason that you allow a person to disrespect you or take advantage of you. I pride myself of being a woman that is a friend first when it comes to being with someone, our friendship is more important than the physical/sexual attraction that we have. To be honest yes it's great when you have met someone that you are sexually compatible with and can blow your back out and have you walking diagonally..however if you don't have that foundation of friendship a void will quickly begin between both of you and you'll realise that it can't just be sex to keep you holding onto that person.
Furthermore we were on and off for several months, there would be times we would spend a lot of time together and times where months would go by and I wouldn't batter an eyelid at this "what's up Rene?" messages he would send me to try and get my attention because he probably had done something to irritate me so I didn't even want to fart on him at that point of time.
Back to this particular night when I found out how much a two-timing asswipe he really was,before this happened for a while my womb was telling me that things weren't adding up with him at all. Women you know how powerful your instincts are and they are that way for a reason, our womb will start to quiver when it senses bulls*it and for good reason!
I can not stress to you the importance of listening to your ovaries when it comes to someone that you are with!
So my ovaries weren't quite right but I didn't know why, but let's just say my eyebrows were constantly raised and my nostrils were wide open, and my fists were always clenched and I was alert ready for something to come my way and ready to FIGHT ON SIGHT!
One thing about me is my mouth is lethal, I knew that I could be cheeky at times and I like to just cut straight to the real and not sugarcoat things I'm not a cake...don't try sweeten me with words. I respect people that mean what they say and do what they say, it's very hard nowadays to find someone that can be consistent..but that's another blog I will get back to that.
There had been several times when him and I would get into "arguments" and I call it that loosely because he had an extremely laid back attitude when it came to disagreements which would make me turn into a pitbull on steroids because his nonchalant attitude would grind my gears that I wanted to kick him in the Adam's apple. I'm quite a "fiery" character I've often been told, don't get me wrong I don't wake up angry at the world for no reason, but my ability to keep calm especially when it comes to lies is non-existent, fiction, a fairytale so when he knew I was ready to turn into Hulk he found that so attractive!
So I would ask certain things and I was not satisfied with the answer, so I would ask him again..and again like I worked for the police and he would try squirm his way out of it with his smile and try change the conversation quickly or I would cuss him out and not speak to him for weeks on end (yes I'm stubborn kiss my ass so what)
When all was revealed to me, I was surprised because like I said he was someone that I had been friend with for over 10 years, he was in fact a guy that had probably known me the longest like I stated earlier if you knew me in my braces and braids days then you really are a long term friend. I was really angry because he knew how important honesty was to me and how much we had been through and no point did this cockafart think to tell me the truth, when he was caught out and I confronted him (over the phone because he knew better to try speak to me face to face) he told me that he didn't want to tell me because he knew that it would mean we would never speak again....this was his reason for not telling me for how many years..yeah...really...that was basically his reasoning so me being me... I cussed his ass out from head to his toe, spoke to his girlfriend and told her everything and blocked him from my phone and my life.
Years went by and we did not speak, I was praying to Jesus to not let me see this man ever on public because I can not guarantee that I wouldn't want to fu*k him up on sight, and once I got over the embarrassment and anger...I was hurt because we were friends and I expected better from him as a person and it took me a while to admit I was hurt to myself (I didn't to admit that to my friends because my pride is higher than Mount Everest) and one night I got to a point where I was fed up of thinking about the situation and him so I wrote a letter to him and said everything good, bad and obscene in it and once I had go rid of that energy I burned the letter in my sink (it was my mini Waiting To Exhale moment) and I felt so much better.
It was through pure coincidence or God's plan that we ran into each other a few months ago, and we were able to have an adult conversation about how things turned out, he apologised..several times and I noticed that he didn't have that immature nonchalant attitude that made me want to stab him in the heart and twist the knife.
And whilst I will never trust him as far as I can fart him... I've realised that I no longer hold bad feelings towards him and we've both moved on and we are better people now that we are not together anymore.
My advice to you that were in a situation that I was in or you ever have been it's important that you live and learn from the mistakes that you make. There are several times when I should have said or done more and had higher self-esteem.
1) Ask questions..and if you're not happy with the answer ASK THEM AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN (I don't care if it irritates you, and yes it's the 111th time I've asked you AND WHAT!)
2) If you are seeing someone and they are not your man..don't be surprised if he is sleeping with someone else, I don't what he CLAIMS to tell you or you want to believe, you could give him that good good until he's dribbling and conked out on your bed with no boxers but his socks on but once he leaves your house there is no telling what he's up to.
3) If he won't be truthful with you, then go and find the truth out for yourself ..if that means you have to slide into DMS, screenshot a conversation or two I will not judge you if you do because we've all been there..yes even you! Or if that is not your style then just make the decision to finish that relationship abruptly and be honest with them why you are.
4) ALWAYS BE TRUE TO YOURSELF AND NEVER PUT ANYONE BEFORE YOURSELF because relationships come and go all the time but you have to like you first before you go finding a significant other, you have to be aware of what you bring to the table, your needs and what you want out of a relationship. If you know you've been good to a person in a relationship and they have taken the mick..realise that is an insecurity and flaw within themselves and NOT YOU! Not everyone will say thank you for all you have done to them, and it may take you walking away from them to truly value what you did for them.
5) If you are good woman that values and respects yourself..they ALWAYS come back it might take a week, a year or a decade but men know when they have lost a good one...trust me.. *wink*
6) Accept whatever emotions that you are feeling and express them in whatever you feel necessarily whether thats through writing, exercising, or several bottles of wine make sure you have an outlet so you can move on.
7) Forgive not for them but for YOURSELF so you don't go into the next relationship harbouring old feelings from the previous one.
8) Wine helps...and Haagen Daaz Baileys ice cream...and a shopping spree...and heels..BUT NOT SLOW JAMS STAY AWAY AT ALL COSTS.
(I have a Christmas giveaway coming next week be sure to sign up on my website for a chance to win!)
Kisses and Bumflicks x x