Sunday, 28 February 2016

Why Consistency is a Consistent KEY In A Relationship


As my birthday approaches (16th March in case you want to know and presents would be welcomed hehe) it's crazy to think how many of us envisioned being married by 25. If I had indeed got married at that age, I would have no doubt ended up on TV with Judge Lynn Toler on Divorce Court arguing with my partner and humming like Deitra Hicks trying to keep my CRB clean and not punch him in his Adam's apple. 


To think I would be ready for marriage at the age of 25 is absolutely RIDICULOUS 

Now,
Before you all chew me up, those that have indeed got married at a young age you have every right to get married when you choose to, after all I don't pay your bills and I do not judge those that do.
Furthermore, from a historical viewpoint many of our grandparents were married at a young age and are still rocking that old school love which I aspire to have myself one day. We are however, living in a different time and era. The reason why I think being married at 25 would have been a mistake for me is simply due to the fact that at 25 personally I did not know myself completely.

What the hell is she talking about? 

I loved being 25 you're in the mid twenties so you don't feel like an absolute baby but you're beginning to grow into your womanhood. You begin to become appreciative of the small things that as a teenager and young adult you sometimes missed because you were too busy turning up, going out, living life, drunk, hungover, enjoying freedom from the studying etc. Turning 25 is when most truly ask themselves "where do I want to be in 5 years?". 
You begin to actually plan your life...no seriously you realise that you can't be living everyday like your name is Peter Pan and you're going to live forever, this is not Neverland, this is EARTH. 

Now, nearly 4 years later I have questioned many times the difference between the 

man I want..and the man I need

If your friends asked you what your ideal man is you would be able to say it without a second thought or a pause for breath from A to Z . You would be able to say what he would looked like, where he worked, what he would do for you, how tall he would be, and all the traits that you would love and of course his penis would be HEAVENLY... you wouldn't say that last point aloud but you damn sure would be thinking it.
From childhood we've been conditioned to whole "Prince Charming" complex and we have many Male Crush Mondays to Fridays that we lust over via social media or as our screensavers, don't act like you haven't! 
Sometimes the men I have chosen to be with have been... questionable  stupid as fuck, there are particular ones I feel like slapping the crap out of myself over, and one that completely makes my nipples go in. But nevertheless it's been an interesting learning curve for myself and alcohol has been very therapeutic for me when these instances has happened. Kiss my ass so what! 

However a few years ago after reading "The Five Love Languages" it highlighted the importance of how I needed to be love in particular, the type of acts that communicated that someone loved me and made me feel like I'm the only girl in the world *starts singing Rihanna's song* 
One thing that unfortunately that I am seeing less and less of, is the importance of consistency with a relationship. 
Consistency connotes several things within a relationship (get your glass of wine because I'm about to start preaching) 
It says to your partner that you are aware of your commitment and active participation within that relationship. You understand your responsibility for not only your happiness but your partners, you now have to learn about everything good, bad and ugly of your partner in order to know how much they rely on you for emotional support, advice, stability, reliability, happiness and some good loving to make them unable to walk for a good 10 minutes or formulate a sentence...just saying. 
When a person is consistent, it immediately makes you feel that the person is someone that you can depend on. In the world of work, they are not going to give someone the job that they think is not going to be able to get it done. 
So why would you get into a relationship with someone that you can't trust will follow through with not just words but action?
Many people have speeches better than Obama himself of what they WOULD do for you if they were in a relationship with you. At first when you are dating and getting to know each other it's all flowers, fairies and fucking glitter and think you've found this amazing person who is feeding your ego with compliments and all the plans they have for you in the future. You try your best not to get excited from just all the sweet talk and your fan fan is doing backflips in your knickers when the person is vocal about how much they like you which just adds to your womb pressure and you can't wait to see them again. 
In the early days of the relationship both sides are trying to show off their best qualities to impress each other as well as keep each other keen, because let's be real competition is fierce out there but we all have things about us that make us special and you best tap into your awesomeness and be aware of what you bring into a relationship before you get into one. Better yet, I encourage you to think about 

1. What attributes do you bring into a relationship?
2. What do you think your partner sees in you when in a relationship?
3. How do you ensure that you are being an active boyfriend/girlfriend? 
4. How do you maintain the balance between your own happiness and your partners happiness? 
5. What do you need from your partner within a relationship? 

Unfortunately some begin to become lazy or complacent within the relationship. I don't understand why it becomes so hard to MEAN WHAT YOU SAY! I forget nothing...well not intentionally anyway! I'm getting older so sometimes my memory is a bit of a myth but thanks to modern technology it keeps a log of texts and WhatsApp messages so the evidence is always logged on the things we both have said, it's like having your own personal PA without asking! 
A partner has no choice but to take your word in the beginning stages of your relationship mostly because they are still getting to know you. So when you are being told that you're a spontaneous person who likes to go out regularly with your partner doing different things, additionally if we've had several active dates and then 6 months down the line I feel like I have to force you to even be asked to go to the bottom of my road to go to Nandos with me ...it makes you question the person you really are.
Now...
No one is perfect, we all have lives to lead and sometimes we wish that we could more but circumstances and life gets in the way which can throw you off completely. So there will be times when you let your partner down and you have to cancel plans you've made. It's annoying as hell but it comes with the territory. 
However, when your inconsistency becomes a regular occurrence it is picked up on and it makes your partner start to look at your with a side eye...literally. You will begin to look at your partner in a completely different way and start to question not only what they say to you currently but what you have to them beforehand. And let me tell you something for free...when a person starts questioning your character it's not...a...good...thing...ever. 
Inconsistency can also lead to someone starting to resent you and not like you as a person...and eventually not even being sexually attractive to you...unless you have that GOOD GOOD in the bedroom, it seems many people don't have no issue with being consistent in THAT area though!! I'm just saying.
It's even more of a headache when you have an inconsistent partner in your life but they can blow your BACK OUT every....single...time. I can not express how frustrating that is and I'm not going to lie good sex is hard to walk away from...excuse the pun but it's true. If the only thing you can make happy is my kitty cat...then we have problems my friend! 
Furthermore even after you feel like your partner has moved your ovaries into your intestines you then start thinking about what is lacking within your relationship and how your needs are still not being met which causes you to feel even more unhappy. Unhappiness and a sore womb is never a good combination.

Telling your partner that you aren't happy is never an easy conversation to have, no matter how much you try to butter it up and put a cherry on top. However it is imperative to be able to stand up for yourself and say what you want because no one wants complacency within a relationship.  As humans we are not natural mind readers but when you truly know your partner you can go off their body language, signals, or vibes to see when something isn't right and some choose to ignore that purposely because they don't want to have the conversation about what the issues are within their relationship. If a partner truly cares about your feelings and how they've made you feel,then it will take them listening to what you have to say, taking it on board and acknowledging what they need to do to get your relationship back on track and to make it grow stronger in the long run. 
As a person with a HUGE amount of pride, being told that I'm not doing something right angers my spirit. It's not that I'm a perfectionist...but I don't like knowing that my actions have knowingly or unknowingly hurt someone's feelings. Besides I think I'm a FRIGGING AWESOME GIRLFRIEND KISS MY ASS SO WHAT! 
But...
You are not going out with yourself therefore a person's perception about you is going to be different. Your maturity will decipher whether you take their criticisms on board or you choose to stay in your old ways to test how long that person will put up with that...and eventually they won't because everyone has a breaking point. 

As I approach my 29th birthday and continue to not be dickstracted, I've realised that consistency has to be a foundation for any relationship or friendship that I have. My friend circle is small because I know who I can continuously rely upon and I will hold my next partner to the same regard. So until then, I will continue to go to what always makes me happy God, family, friends, music, UFC fight night, alcohol, ice-cream, Scandal, How To Get Away With Murder, and my beloved ratchet programs to just name a few! 

Feel free to comment below on the 5 questions I posed in this blog would love to hear your opinion! 
Don't forget to subscribe to my blog here and share with everyone! 

Kisses and Bumflicks x x 


 





 


 




 

1 comment:

  1. The bible to my life your words are so up lifting wife & I luv how u tell it how it is no bullshit just real talk. Ur da one friend where consistency has always been evident and that's why no one can question ur talent & can always look to you for the right advice cuz ur actions al aye speak louder then yours words & ur words are alway da whole truth & nothing but da truth lol to why I will always forward your blog on to those whom need a reality check & support for though keep up da great words of wisdom xox

    ReplyDelete