The Bitter Single Friend

Hello all my Vexers and Vexettes!!!

Firstly HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I can’t believe it’s 2012 but I’m so excited for the things to come in this year, going to be a year to remember! By now you should have all sobered up from your nights (and mornings) out for New Years Eve, and stop being miserable that you are back at work. I spent my New Years Eve in church which I thoroughly enjoyed!!!! There’s a few things I saw that upset my ovaries but I’m not going to get into THAT right now, just know it was alot!

Anyway... I’ve written this blog as I was tweeting about it last night, but I don’t think my rage got through enough through my tweets plus it was like 2am in the morning, so I thought might as well write a blog (yeah I know it’s been a while, don’t open give me that unimpressed face thanks!)

Yesterday I was tweeting about relationships (as I usually do), and I guess I hit a nerve with some basic bitch*s, because one of them felt the need to @ me on Twitter, which in consequence has inspired me to write this blog today so let’s give a round of applause to that basic bit*h!!!

Today I want to talk about the BITTER SINGLE FRIEND.

Notice the key word here is BITTER not the SINGLE in that statement. Being single doesn’t mean that your opinion and advice is void when speaking to someone. Sometimes people in relationships get British Gassed and think they know it all because they have a boyfriend/girlfriend...don’t rage me please.

I’m sure plenty of you have been through this situation and can automatically think of the “bitter single friend” that you have within your circle (sucks to be them!)

If you haven’t been in this predicament before let me give you a Vex In The City definition of a bitter single friend (or BSF for short).

A bitter single friend is a friend of yours that has either:

a) Just recently broken up with their girlfriend/boyfriend and in that “anger” phase of the breakup.


b) Been single for wayyyyyyy too long and has penis/vagina envy because they are not getting none.


The BSF is either hurt because they haven’t finished overcoming their own heartbreak, envious of the relationship that you have with your partner, or just plain BAD MIND.

Do not and I repeat DO NOT try and help A BSF with their own mental & relationship issues because to be frank there’s not a legal or illegal drug that can help them through this transition they are experiencing, some don’t even recognise and admit that they are the bitter single friend.

There are always signs that you are telling your business to a BSF, you have to look out for them. The BSF will always be quick to ask you how your relationship is going with your partner but they actually don’t care they just want to use it as an excuse to vent out their own frustrations. Please see example A:
BSF: So how are you and David?

Girl: Oh yeah we’re ok...haven’t seen him for a few days but he texts me good morning & good night everyday without fail, and calls me when he can....

BSF: (kisses teeth), girl don’t get gassed on that, my ex used to do the SAME thing, good morning & good night texts but I was still missing him and that didn’t stop us from breaking up did it??

Girl: Erm ok but my boyfriend isn’t your ex...so...

BSF: Haha that’s what YOU think, all men are the damn same, you can’t trust any of them, I’m just looking out for you, believe me.

The BSF will counterattack any good thing that your boyfriend/girlfriend does with a bad thing that THEY have gone through with their own partner. The bitterness is rampant within them; it’s like a demon that can’t be controlled , and no amount of holy water or acid will get it out of them(fu*k an Exorcism) .

The worst thing you could do when you have a BSF in your life is try to get advice from them when you are going through a rough patch with your partner, you might as well go play on the A40. Any problem/argument/situation that you tell them when your emotions are all over the place they will stock, lock and use as evidence against you at a later date believe me. See example B:

BSF: So how are you and David?

Girl: We’re doing good so far, glad that we decided to try and work through our problems, I love him and really hope that we make it.

BSF: I wouldn’t put your hopes up too quick, remember how you felt when he didn’t take you out for your birthday, you shouldn’t forget that too quickly... I’m just saying.

Girl: Yeah... I haven’t but that was weeks ago, he’s been trying to make it up to it ever since.

BSF: Your birthday you know, I wouldn’t have it, that only comes once a year such a special day, and you were proper excited...and where was he?

Girl: Yeah it was my birthday I do remember, I don’t exactly need reminding...

BSF: I’m just looking out for you, trust me.

No this bitch isn’t just looking out for you; this BSF is trying to finish your relationship! Do not pass go, do not collect your shit from his/her house. There’s an old saying that misery loves company, and this BSF wants your company like their life depended on it!!

The bitter single friend is indirectly purposely trying to make you single, does that make sense to you? Because it sure does to me! In their world which is more messed up than Afghanistan, they believe if they are miserable then they are going to let off random bullets and take all those with close proximity down with them.

The more you feed them information it nourishes their bitterness, fu*k a lemon that is MILD compared to the bitterness of your friend! You can’t even remember the last time you saw them smile let alone do anything else. They are miserable 24/7, think all men/women are dickheads, they wouldn’t know happiness if it grabbed in between their legs and yanked as hard as it could.

Furthermore, if your BSF is a friend of the opposite sex then it’s emotional. Because they seem to think they are the exception to the rest of the same sexed individuals. See example C (yes I’m getting technical, kiss my ass so what!)

BSF: So what’s up with you and David?

Girl: Argh nothing, we’ve been arguing alot recently, he started an argument the other day because I told him I was going out with my girls this weekend, and he don’t like me raving.

BSF: What? He’s a dickhead, I don’t have a problem with my girl going out he’s one of them insecure men, allow him.

Girl: Well his argument was that he knows how my best friend is when she has a little to drink and she’s the one driving....

BSF: Yeah yeah yeah, listen to me if you were my girl I wouldn’t even worry about your best friend you get me, you’re young and you have to enjoy your life, what does he want you to be at home all the time? But it’s alright for him to go out? I’m telling you man dem think they are smart but I’m looking out for you...

Do you see the fault with the above example?? What the BSF fails to understand is that you are NOT his girl/man so therefore the way he/she would handle the situation is irrelevant. Do not let BSF Jedi mind tricks on you, because if you listen to them in the back of your mind you’re going to start the “but (insert BSF name) would/wouldn’t do that” forgetting that this isn’t the person you are in a relationship with! How do you not know that this BSF just doesn’t want to get a quick fix from your vagina/penis? Desperate times call for desperate dick... isn’t that how the saying goes? Don’t make me fly kick you down the stairs please.

I’m not saying that you should automatically assume that every person that tells you the truth about your relationship is a BSF. If it turns out that your boyfriend/girlfriend is a DICKHEAD then it’s not being bitter its being honest. You will realise whether it is honesty because you will already acknowledge the dickheadism within your partner, but you just needed someone else to tell you out loud to confirm it. That’s a whole next kettle of fish & stew.

The easiest solution is when you notice that someone is a BSF,

DON’T TELL THEM YOUR BACKSIDE BUSINESS!!

Full stop, end of discussion. If you are going through issues with your partner, I know it’s nice sometimes vent your frustrations out to someone, or to get advice from a close friend, but a BSF is not the person you listen to, not once, not ever. Because when you and your man/woman are good you don’t really hear from the BSF but once they get a spidey sense you’re heading down Issues Avenue they find the time and credit to holla at you.

You could not listen to me and decide to take you BSF advice and break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and there you are all heartbroken and you call your BSF. See example D (short for DICKHEAD):

Girl: It’s over, I broke up with David... I listened to what you said, he doesn’t want to talk to me, I’m so lonely I dunno what to do with myself! Everything reminds me of him! I can’t get him out of my mind...can you can round to mine, I need a shoulder to cry on...

BSF: Ermmmm actually I can’t I’m on my way on a date with someone...but I’ll try call you soon, stay strong though yeah? Ok bye...

How do you feel?? Exit stage right you basic bit*h.

Kisses and Bumflicks