I am a HUGE advocate and lover of spoken word, poetry, film, theatre, dance, music... basically anything to do with the arts!
Since I was a young girl, writing in my song book which really was one of my school books that I took from the teacher's cupboards, I would fill it with words, poems and songs about love ... those were the days.
SO...
Last night I attended an event by the Artistic Directors Of The Future entitled "Black Lives : Black Words" which consisted of a TEDx talk named "Innovate! Innovate F**K S**t Up!" by Remi Graves, Taio Lawson and Omar El-Khairy discussing the future and constraints of black theatre, the evolution of jazz, storytelling, and the importance of a hub for black production and theatre. We were then taken to the theatre to see 10 AMAZING Performances from various BAME playwrights and directors. The two plays that really resonated with me was "Timbucktu" by Ryan Calais-Cameron and "Manifesto" by Courttia Newland.
During the talk, Remi Graves spoke about three particular spoken word artists that have revolutionised the spoken word and gone against the norm. I am ALL FOR people that put a middle finger up to social norms and are unapologetically themselves. This one particular artist named Koleka Putuma spoke..to...my...soul. She is a South African artist, arts facilitator and theatre practitioner as well as the 2014 South African Slam National Champion.
Her piece entitled "Water" was originally performed at a TEDx talk who then purposely removed this piece from her performance and when you watch this...I'm sure you will be able to see the reason why!
I absolutely LOVE this piece and it has really shifted my thoughts and made me aware of my own personal relationship with water.
SO... sit back, avert ALL your attention to every word this piece is saying and click your fingers, shout like I did and connect to this piece!
#ClickAndConnect
I have decided to add onto my blog a piece regularly that is thought provoking, makes me laugh, cry, angry or scream at my screen in adoration.
I also welcome if you know of any particular events surrounding the arts to PLEASE LET ME KNOW! I will do everything I can to attend, promote and support. I coined the term #ClickAndConnect because that's exactly what I want you guys to be able to do not just with my blogs but with each other.
I love being to connect with like minded.real,down to earth individual so stop being antisocial or shy and holla me or email me directly at vexinthecityuk@gmail.com
Comment below what you think about this piece, share with your friends and family, and importantly subscribe to my blog if you would like to see more!
As my birthday approaches (16th March in case you want to know and presents would be welcomed hehe) it's crazy to think how many of us envisioned being married by 25. If I had indeed got married at that age, I would have no doubt ended up on TV with Judge Lynn Toler on Divorce Court arguing with my partner and humming like Deitra Hicks trying to keep my CRB clean and not punch him in his Adam's apple.
To think I would be ready for marriage at the age of 25 is absolutely RIDICULOUS
Now,
Before you all chew me up, those that have indeed got married at a young age you have every right to get married when you choose to, after all I don't pay your bills and I do not judge those that do.
Furthermore, from a historical viewpoint many of our grandparents were married at a young age and are still rocking that old school love which I aspire to have myself one day. We are however, living in a different time and era. The reason why I think being married at 25 would have been a mistake for me is simply due to the fact that at 25 personally I did not know myself completely.
What the hell is she talking about?
I loved being 25 you're in the mid twenties so you don't feel like an absolute baby but you're beginning to grow into your womanhood. You begin to become appreciative of the small things that as a teenager and young adult you sometimes missed because you were too busy turning up, going out, living life, drunk, hungover, enjoying freedom from the studying etc. Turning 25 is when most truly ask themselves "where do I want to be in 5 years?".
You begin to actually plan your life...no seriously you realise that you can't be living everyday like your name is Peter Pan and you're going to live forever, this is not Neverland, this is EARTH.
Now, nearly 4 years later I have questioned many times the difference between the
man I want..and the man I need
If your friends asked you what your ideal man is you would be able to say it without a second thought or a pause for breath from A to Z . You would be able to say what he would looked like, where he worked, what he would do for you, how tall he would be, and all the traits that you would love and of course his penis would be HEAVENLY... you wouldn't say that last point aloud but you damn sure would be thinking it.
From childhood we've been conditioned to whole "Prince Charming" complex and we have many Male Crush Mondays to Fridays that we lust over via social media or as our screensavers, don't act like you haven't!
Sometimes the men I have chosen to be with have been... questionable stupid as fuck, there are particular ones I feel like slapping the crap out of myself over, and one that completely makes my nipples go in. But nevertheless it's been an interesting learning curve for myself and alcohol has been very therapeutic for me when these instances has happened. Kiss my ass so what!
However a few years ago after reading "The Five Love Languages" it highlighted the importance of how I needed to be love in particular, the type of acts that communicated that someone loved me and made me feel like I'm the only girl in the world *starts singing Rihanna's song*
One thing that unfortunately that I am seeing less and less of, is the importance of consistency with a relationship.
Consistency connotes several things within a relationship (get your glass of wine because I'm about to start preaching)
It says to your partner that you are aware of your commitment and active participation within that relationship. You understand your responsibility for not only your happiness but your partners, you now have to learn about everything good, bad and ugly of your partner in order to know how much they rely on you for emotional support, advice, stability, reliability, happiness and some good loving to make them unable to walk for a good 10 minutes or formulate a sentence...just saying.
When a person is consistent, it immediately makes you feel that the person is someone that you can depend on. In the world of work, they are not going to give someone the job that they think is not going to be able to get it done.
So why would you get into a relationship with someone that you can't trust will follow through with not just words but action?
Many people have speeches better than Obama himself of what they WOULD do for you if they were in a relationship with you. At first when you are dating and getting to know each other it's all flowers, fairies and fucking glitter and think you've found this amazing person who is feeding your ego with compliments and all the plans they have for you in the future. You try your best not to get excited from just all the sweet talk and your fan fan is doing backflips in your knickers when the person is vocal about how much they like you which just adds to your womb pressure and you can't wait to see them again.
In the early days of the relationship both sides are trying to show off their best qualities to impress each other as well as keep each other keen, because let's be real competition is fierce out there but we all have things about us that make us special and you best tap into your awesomeness and be aware of what you bring into a relationship before you get into one. Better yet, I encourage you to think about
1. What attributes do you bring into a relationship?
2. What do you think your partner sees in you when in a relationship?
3. How do you ensure that you are being an active boyfriend/girlfriend?
4. How do you maintain the balance between your own happiness and your partners happiness?
5. What do you need from your partner within a relationship?
Unfortunately some begin to become lazy or complacent within the relationship. I don't understand why it becomes so hard to MEAN WHAT YOU SAY! I forget nothing...well not intentionally anyway! I'm getting older so sometimes my memory is a bit of a myth but thanks to modern technology it keeps a log of texts and WhatsApp messages so the evidence is always logged on the things we both have said, it's like having your own personal PA without asking!
A partner has no choice but to take your word in the beginning stages of your relationship mostly because they are still getting to know you. So when you are being told that you're a spontaneous person who likes to go out regularly with your partner doing different things, additionally if we've had several active dates and then 6 months down the line I feel like I have to force you to even be asked to go to the bottom of my road to go to Nandos with me ...it makes you question the person you really are.
Now...
No one is perfect, we all have lives to lead and sometimes we wish that we could more but circumstances and life gets in the way which can throw you off completely. So there will be times when you let your partner down and you have to cancel plans you've made. It's annoying as hell but it comes with the territory.
However, when your inconsistency becomes a regular occurrence it is picked up on and it makes your partner start to look at your with a side eye...literally. You will begin to look at your partner in a completely different way and start to question not only what they say to you currently but what you have to them beforehand. And let me tell you something for free...when a person starts questioning your character it's not...a...good...thing...ever.
Inconsistency can also lead to someone starting to resent you and not like you as a person...and eventually not even being sexually attractive to you...unless you have that GOOD GOOD in the bedroom, it seems many people don't have no issue with being consistent in THAT area though!! I'm just saying.
It's even more of a headache when you have an inconsistent partner in your life but they can blow your BACK OUT every....single...time. I can not express how frustrating that is and I'm not going to lie good sex is hard to walk away from...excuse the pun but it's true. If the only thing you can make happy is my kitty cat...then we have problems my friend!
Furthermore even after you feel like your partner has moved your ovaries into your intestines you then start thinking about what is lacking within your relationship and how your needs are still not being met which causes you to feel even more unhappy. Unhappiness and a sore womb is never a good combination.
Telling your partner that you aren't happy is never an easy conversation to have, no matter how much you try to butter it up and put a cherry on top. However it is imperative to be able to stand up for yourself and say what you want because no one wants complacency within a relationship. As humans we are not natural mind readers but when you truly know your partner you can go off their body language, signals, or vibes to see when something isn't right and some choose to ignore that purposely because they don't want to have the conversation about what the issues are within their relationship. If a partner truly cares about your feelings and how they've made you feel,then it will take them listening to what you have to say, taking it on board and acknowledging what they need to do to get your relationship back on track and to make it grow stronger in the long run.
As a person with a HUGE amount of pride, being told that I'm not doing something right angers my spirit. It's not that I'm a perfectionist...but I don't like knowing that my actions have knowingly or unknowingly hurt someone's feelings. Besides I think I'm a FRIGGING AWESOME GIRLFRIEND KISS MY ASS SO WHAT!
But...
You are not going out with yourself therefore a person's perception about you is going to be different. Your maturity will decipher whether you take their criticisms on board or you choose to stay in your old ways to test how long that person will put up with that...and eventually they won't because everyone has a breaking point.
As I approach my 29th birthday and continue to not be dickstracted, I've realised that consistency has to be a foundation for any relationship or friendship that I have. My friend circle is small because I know who I can continuously rely upon and I will hold my next partner to the same regard. So until then, I will continue to go to what always makes me happy God, family, friends, music, UFC fight night, alcohol, ice-cream, Scandal, How To Get Away With Murder, and my beloved ratchet programs to just name a few!
Feel free to comment below on the 5 questions I posed in this blog would love to hear your opinion!
Don't forget to subscribe to my blog here and share with everyone!
Where did the week go? I've blinked my eyes and Valentines is already on the horizon!
I am happy to tell you all, that I do NOT have a Valentines *yayy* ...
Fu*k a Valentines that is my motto!
But before I sound like a bitter single betch, I have compiled a Valentines Date for those that have been lucky to secure a boo or are in a relationship and going out. If you are single like moi..go out with your girls or spend it however you choose to because it all starts with SELF LOVE DAMN IT!
NOW...
Before you question whether I'm going to a date or a funeral, I like this outfit because it's simple but sexy and I think the heels add a nice pop of colour, I would imagine wearing this for a dinner date or a bar. Sometimes less is more and you don't need to show the cleavage everyday! If you have big breasts like myself...sometimes we don't even have that choice it is made for us *sigh*
2) The accessories, make up and heels you decide to wear will always give your outfit a splash of sexiness
3) It's a slimming colour
4) You can never have enough black items in your wardrobe..even if it does make you look like you work in a funeral home
5) It makes me look slim ... Kiss my ass so what!
I recall seeing a similar dress worn by Marlo in "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" and in my head I thought "ohhh that's a sexy dress" so I was very happy when I saw this on Missguided and I bussed a little bumflick on my couch and immediately added it to my basket without hesitation!
The cut-out detail immediately attracts you eyes for all the right reason, I would recommend not wearing a necklace with this, but instead add some bracelets and rings, a small clutch will also do the trick too!
Along with this sexy dress I found these gorgeous heels...
I have several pairs of "Barely There" heels, as they are simplistic, high but hella sexy! There's not a single time I've worn a pair of them and not been complimented on them!
These are again from MissguidedI love that the tassel give the heels a little sexy element as a thickems myself, it's only right that my heels have a little fluff element to them too! Ladies just a little word of advice there's nothing sexier than making your boo untie and takes these off you after a night out with them..you're welcome!
These heels are available in many different colours on the website, so why not have a look and pick the perfect pair..or 2!
If you want to add a little sauce, spice and everything nice to your sex life. Then why not purchase a Love Box from the Ooh Collection . This particular box has lots of little tricks to keep you and your partner up all night and a night to remember.
The "Let Me Entertain You" box is perfectly named as it is geared for both the male and female to ensure that the intimacy is heightened.
The box contains:
Natural & Succulent Strawberry Condoms and Dots and Ribs Condoms
ID Glide and Pleasure Lubricant Gel 12ml
Bullet Vibrator (for her)
Vibrating Pleasure Ring (for him)
Kiss Me In The Dark - Satin Blindfold
Stroke Me Please - Feather Tickler
Dice Game
Love Commands
Popping Candy
As you can see, this collection has you in mind to make your night fun, flirty and full of *coughs*. The great thing is, if you so choose, you can continue to use the items within your love box for many different nights better yet..who needs an excuse?
Let me be real, I'm currently going cold turkey with H&M purchases, as my addiction to their store and buying things online has got out of hand. H&M have got into the swing of Valentines Day and have highlighted their lingerie selection on their website. H&M have done a fantastic job in the last few years of including bigger sizes because they realise that thickems like to look sexy too!
This brief and lace bra top go up to size 18 *busses a bumflick* which means we can all strut out stuff along to some Ciara "Body Party" music.
The lace top if you dare can be worn under a blazer with a high waisted skirt if you want to man your man dribble at the table whilst you eat at a restaurant with dim lights. You don't want your nipples for everyone to see..that's not cute. Furthermore, you can wear this set underneath a sexy dress for when you get back home to be dessert for your man ...yeah I said it!
The lace panels ensure that not everything is shown, however it shows just the right amount of flesh to make you feel fantabulous and sexy!
Not only do they have a plethora of watch designs and faces on their website, what really makes Cluse watches stand out are the facts that the straps are interchangeable making the possibilities endless to suit what you are wearing!
The "La Boheme Gold Black" oozes sexy and simplistic, with a 38mm diameter it will sit on your wrist perfectly and is hard not to notice!
I love the gold and black design and you are able to change the straps to either dress it up at night or keep it simple for your 9-5 workplace.
SO....
Let me know what you think of this Valentines Date Wish List, especially if you purchase an item that I have recommended! Drop a comment below and spread the word
*NEWSFLASH*
I will be attending many events for next week and would love to have some company! If you would like to join me, then sign up to my brand spanking new website at www.deliarene.com and join what I have called my "Rene-gades" (see what I did there?) I will be going to many different events and even hosting some of my own and would love for you awesome readers to join my clique and start a movement! The events will be going out exclusively to those that sign up to my website so don't miss out!
As we all know...cuffing season is in FULL effect! I have already been victim to many trying to become a dickstraction BUT I HAVE REMAINED FOCUSED!
*applauds for my vagina*
SO...
As we all are aware, Valentines Day is fast approaching so I thought I would just give a quick wish list of things that have caught my eye and as you guys have already made my wish come true by ensuring that I have been shortlisted for the UK Blog Awards in the Dating Category *bumflicks*
I thought let's keep the positivity going and who knows...someone might feel generous and want to buy it for moi!
1. Wilma Raccoon Fur Heels
I am in love with these heels courtesy of Rosina Savagenot only are they absolutely GORGEOUS, the heels have genuine raccoon fur, yes you read right..sorry for your PETA warriors on my blog but these if a raccoon has to die for this...at least they are going out in style!
Kiss my ass so what!
These heels can be worn both during the day and night and they make a bold statement which suits everyone that reads my blogs in the first place because you're all dope as fu*k!
Rosina Savage shoes are made to measure which further compliments its uniqueness and ensures high quality as if you needed more reason to love these shoes like I do! And fellas, what better way to impress the lady in your life buy buying her a bespoke made to measure heels that she can wear in and out of the bedroom *winks*
2. Love Layla Designs
I came across these card designs by Love Layla on my Facebook News Feed and every single card made me crack up because they are witty, honest and unique!
As you can see from this card I chosen it is still and let's your date know what't NOT going to be happening on that night or any other night for that fact.
Love Layla have a plethora of card designs for all occasions and events so even if you don't have a Valentines or you just to make someone laugh I highly recommend that you buy a card from these ladies!
3. Amelia Real Sterliving Bracelet and Earrings Set
I am a Warren Jamesaddict and when I saw this, my eyes opened and I smiled like a Chesire cat. There is the infamous saying "diamonds are girl's best friend" and that indeed is true. But let's be honest, diamonds can't be my best friend when I have rent and bills to take care of so Cubic Zirconia does the job for me nicely!
The reason I am a fan of Warren James is because
1) They always have a sale on
2) The jewellery is of top quality and lasts for years (my ring has lasted 10 years and counting and has not lost it's shine at all, people are always asking me if I'm engaged..no I'm not..thanks for reminding me)
This gorgeous set should be worn on a night out somewhere to really make you feel like Beyonce and make sure that your date is looking at something else APART from your breasts and booty...just saying.
I will be updating you regularly anything that I can see that catches my eye and makes me look for my bank card!
If there's anything that you have seen that you like or you create things yourself drop me a comment below to see if you're featured on my wish list next time!!!
Don't forget to sign up to my blog on your right hand side..do it now WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!
Hope you had an alcohol-fuelled turned up night as much I did! I had a pyjama party/drink up/turn up/ damn I'm the one that has to clean and mop after all these mofo's but nevertheless it was an epic night and I came home with 3 bags full of alcohol. Who doesn't needs to go bar or buy drinks for at least 3 months? ME THAT's WHO!
SO...
We are a few days into 2016, and I can feel it in my ovaries that is going to be an epic year. I know that sounds so cliche, but I really do have a great feeling about this year for not just myself but for many people and obviously for you guys the dopest, realest readers that a woman like me could ever ask for!
Traditionally I write down what I would like to achieve within that year, I pray over them and thank God for the year I've had and also for the personal triumphs and trials that he has assisted me with and then I put the work in to make as many of them happen! Looking back at my goals from 2015, I achieved almost half of them which I was pleasantly surprised at! Busses a bumflick and looks at my booty as I do it!
(for those that still don't know what a bumflick it..it has now been renamed as "twerking" thanks to ratchet shows and Americans but us Caribbean women have always called it bumflicking..you're welcome)
So last night, I cranked out a new notebook and wrote my goals for 2016, this year I decided to break them down into three categories:
Financial
Firstly let me be real...I..do...not..save..for...SHIT. Save? For why? I live alone in West London and I'm hugely independent and don't ask anyone for anything! Furthermore my bills don't give me the option to save! My expenses are REAL and I'm so grateful to be in job that pays good...ok it pays well.. well good enough for my to pay all my bills and not have to live on bread and water for the rest of the month. Don't get me wrong I am extremely grateful to even have a job as a woman with a serious H&M addiction and a love of heels and trainers...there's nothing wrong with wanting a little more right? Kiss my ass so what!
So a MAJOR goal for me this year is to save! After careful calculations of my expenditures my eyes nearly dropped out of its eye socket when I realise how much I could potentially be saving every month! I wanted to backhand myself, I even said outloud "What? That can't be right?" and went over my calculations three times to make sure I was right.
If you are not aware there is a now a " 365 Penny Challenge" going around on social media that my friends and I have decided to participate in. It seems pretty simple and those that know me well, know how much I love a bargain and to save my coins when I can. So when I saw the word "penny' I was immediately like YES!
I will also be doing another which is called the "52 Week Money Challenge" to again help me save money, especially as I want to close to becoming a full time writer/entrepreneur.
I encourage as many of you who are like me wanting to save to join in as well! Let's all save together and celebrate by the end of 2016 yaaassss (you can tell I'm a little excited).
Business
Building my brand and company is a major focus for me this year as I've been feeling for quite a while that I do not want to work for other people but myself. To be able to support myself and have something of my own is imperative for me, it's just not in my DNA to continue doing the same 9-5, well technically it's 8 to whatever time I finish my paperwork to then come home and work on Vex In The City, my scripts and ideas. It's through God alone that I haven't been fired as my temper and mouth should be illegal I swear to you but I am good at my job and they know this lol. As much as I absolutely LOVE working with students it has been the most rewarding, challenging, stressful but unique jobs that you could ever ask for, I realise that my love and passion to have my own company supersedes that. I aim to still work with teenagers and empower and teach them because they have taught me so much about myself and the amount of times they have saved my Powerpoints presentations or taught me about technology is unreal that's why I love being a Head Of Year 11!
Personal
Lastly, this is where the #NoDickstractions terminology has come into play because I know you've been wondering!
A few months ago, I ended a long term relationship..and it flipping hurt. It wasn't an easy decision but for the sake of my sanity and happiness it had to be done. Behind this loud mouth and big smile I'm actually sensitive as hell and I always put my partner before myself. Which lead to me feeling unhappy, not good enough and frustrated as hell. I'm not trying to make it out like he was a complete asshole because he wasn't, loving me takes a lot of patience and understanding but fuck it I am awesome and the right person will understand that!
Luckily we had such a good friendship that when things ended somewhat amicably it was important that I was still able to maintain our friendship as I value him as a friend so much.
BUT...
As we enter 2016, I am on the cusp of turning 30 (takes a deep breath) and being the hopeless romantic I am, the ridiculous amount of engagements and pregnancies which felt like a stab in my heart as I painfully smiled and congratulated all my friends because I love seeing real love happen for those around me but in the back of my head had me saying "Really God...so do you want me to that old woman with a cat and no children..and you know I don't even like pets so it's going to have to be something simple like a Goldfish, the last time I one I accidentally killed..R.I.P Ciroc"
But a major lesson for me last year was I realised that everything happens in God's timing, and I really don't have the best judgment when it comes to men.
SO...
For the first time ever, I've not made finding a partner a goal of mine. In 2015 I wrote that I wanted to fall in love and I did, but I lost the love I had for myself in the process. Now, I have insecurities and hang ups and that's not my ex's fault because he loved my body and all that jazz but these were things that I never addressed within myself which needs to be as soon as possible.
So when I say #NoDickstractions what I mean is that I will allow the universe and my faith in God to present me with the right man IF and WHEN they see fit or when it's the right time. When I get into a relationship I easily get dickstracted (see the word play) and I really have to stay focused and need to be supported as I complete my goals and when that happens it will be as if Shonda Rhimes herself wrote our love story.
Another thing I've realised whilst I was on my trip in Amsterdam, was sometimes if you see a guy that tickles your fanny..I mean fancy, that it doesn't hurt to smile and say hello! It doesn't mean it will always end with you getting a number or date but life is too short to be sitting there acting like Beyonce waiting for every guy to approach you and offer you the world! But I don't handle rejection well, if I asked a guy for a date and he's rude or say's no I would be tempted to bottle him in the head...but I'm working on that.
I have other personal goals for myself that are not centred on just a romantic relationship that I'm also looking to achieve and also I look forward on achieving things that I didn't even consider or think about!
So I am telling you all, if you haven't written down your goals for this year there's no time like NOW and dream BIG! Don't put a limit on what you want to achieve this year, don't second guess yourself and have a long hard think about it. Don't worry if after you've written them down you change your mind or what to add more make a mental note of them! I find there is nothing more motivating than seeing what you want to achieve in your own handwriting or whatever art form you see fit depending on what type of creative person that you are!
I placed on my Facebook and Instagram that if you need someone to keep you accountable for your goals this year I would be glad to do that! Sometimes it takes that encouraging person and trust me I will be on your back and front to make sure that you feel supported!
FINALLY!!!
I wanted to share some good news with you to kick off 2016!
I have been entered into the UK Blog Awards under the "Dating" category, public voting opens tomorrow so I need you, your mother, brother, sister, uncle and aunty to vote for Vex In The City I will be giving you guys the details tomorrow how to vote for me I really appreciate it!
By the way.. don't forget to subscribe to my blog, the subscription box is on this blog as well as my website! Plus my other social media platforms to see my rage on a regular basis!
Those that have subscribed to my Youtube channel know that recently I spoke about us being in cuffing season , however I thought it would be important to highlight this bullshit madness that I've been experiencing over the last few weeks.
If you are not aware..this period of time is better known as "Cuffing Season" this is a period of time when relationships are made out of pure convenience and there is a strategy to it, I went into detail on my Youtube video so I suggest you watch it before you upset your ovaries or disrespect the penis.
ANYWAY...
For some reason, God... no.. scratch that.. let me not blame him... this BACKWARD UNIVERSE has decided to just keep chucking my exes back at me without no warning, no protective gear, NO NOTHING, if it was just one..I could put it down to just coincidence but when its SEVERAL at one time (wait let me clarify I haven't had several boyfriends before you try to judge me and think my vagine has accrued a lot of miles on it... I'm not Kim Kardashian)
The worst part was that they were all coming back with this cocky attitude that they could just pop themselves back into my life and my knickers like NOTHING HAPPENED and I have 'lonely gullible betch' written on my forehead!
And they think they're slick too, trying to bring you down memory lane, and bring up cute things about yourself, and flood you with compliments so that you get gassed as they try to sneak over your "Fuck (insert ex name) Wall" that you successfully built after the relationship ended.
I don't need to go down memory lane..for why? Someone needs to turn "Memory Lane" into a WASTE SITE where all shit relationships, memories, heartache, hurt, pain, things we wish we never did, things that remind us of our exes can be dumped far far away I'm talking like the lands of Narnia or better yet be blown up sky high to never...return...again.
When I was younger, I used to think it was a sign if a guy I was with before comes back and wants to be with me again, it must show that I'm a good woman right? It means he misses me right? Maybe he's grown up and finally become the man I need him to be so that's why he's come back right? GO FACE THE WALL WITH THAT CRAP!
Now before I sound like a typical angry woman, I would be lying and say there aren't instances when people break up and later on down the line they rekindle their love and get back together, get married and live happily ever after..amen
BUT...
This isn't the fairytale situation that I'm talking about these cucharachas (FYI it's the Spanish word for cockroaches if you don't watch Netflix "Narcos" series like me where I learned this awesome word) think that they can come back to you and drop 1 or 2 sweet words and your panties will magically drop to their floor quicker than you can blink...respect my life.
SO...
I thought it was important I educate you with some of these sweet sour lines that I've heard more times than I wish to admit, which the response is usually me laughing at them, telling them about themselves, or rolling my eyes.
1) How is your mum/dad/brother/sister/dog/fish/hamster doing?
Translation: I do not give two flying FUC*S how these people are, but I have to make it seem like I have heart and care about other people apart from myself. But whatever you tell me ,will go through one ear and out the other.
2) How's your love life?
Translation: Who have you been sleeping with? Fu*k them I don't care, when are we going to sleep together again? And don't you dare say you're in love..no one has time for that.. especially me!
3) How is your business doing?
Translation : No I still don't know the name of your business, or supported it in any way shape or form and I don't plan to but I remember vaguely that was something you used to speak to me about often..thought it would win me some vagina points.
4) Let me know when you are free I'll pass through/come check you/chill/get something to eat
Translation : Let me come to your house, I don't really want to take you on a date, I already know you just whatever get's me in your bed quickly, if I have to spend a little money it will be on alcohol so I get get you drunk..horny and spend the night.
5) Wow you've lost weight..but you still got that big bum/big breasts (insert body part)
Translation: Let's have sex....now... I'm already horny looking at you and getting sexual flashbacks.
6) Don't act like you don't think about me/us sometimes, you don't miss me nah?
Translation : I know you remember our sex, because I do... that's why I'm hollering right now! Even when there are times when I am genuinely miss you as I listen to Drake I'm not going to tell you. my pride won't let me! And if you ask me what I miss about you, I'll come up with some sweet boy answer that will make you think I'm sweet,especially if it's a memory that I know you won't remember which makes you get all sentimental one step closer to being in your panties.
7) Are you awake?
Translation : All I need is those two blue ticks on WhatsApp, because I've already seen you were last online 3 minutes ago so you can't be asleep just yet and I'll tell you I'm close to your house so I can drop by quickly without you saying no or making up an excuse.
8) Sometimes I think about us getting back together..you're a good woman/man
Translation: I thought I could find better but I was wrong, can't believe that you put up with half the sh*t I put you through, I haven't changed but trying to find someone like you is becoming long and expensive, and I can't be bothered anymore plus you already know what you are getting with me so..no surprises!
9) The thought of you having a baby/getting married to someone else would hurt me
Translation: We're not going to get married or have kids anytime soon, yes I have a child/children but that's different.. let's not talk about that.
10) You know you'll always belong to me (insert stupid ass pet name they had for you)
Translation: I want that good vagina/penis again..again and again, I've gone to bed several times thinking about it, I want to touch it, taste it, feel it, sit on it, have it as much as humanly possible starting FROM NOW.
I could go on and on but I'm sure by now you get the jist and these are the top ten sour lines that I have successfully not fallen for and hasn't got me lying in my bed, covering up my naked boy looking at my ceilings regretting letting my ex through my front door again as he happily snores away thinking he's back where he belongs.
If someone past, present or future is genuinely serious about you then it would take more than just talk for you to see that they're simply just not trying to get back in your bed, unfortunately sometimes will go above and beyond to do this and still their intentions won't be true and you end up being duped but please don't make no sour lines have you fooled into thinking it's nothing more than just game, and WACK game at that!
Please forward this on to all your friends, drop a comment below and tell me what's some of the sour lines that your exes have said to you? I would love to know!!
Apologises for me being a little quiet recently I've had to deal and I am still dealing with a major grievance in my family but I'm just taking each day at a time, and trying to stay strong and thank God for giving me such an amazing grandfather who is now watching over me x x
This whole week I've been in a state of nostalgia, and its through complete coincidence that I was scrolling through my WhatsApp through boredom and to distract my mind from being upset that I saw a profile picture and immediately it reminded me it's been four years to the day that I was in a complete difference space in my life but now I don't even care about!
SO....
Let me set the scene, four years ago I was seeing a certain fool dickhead guy on and off for a few years but one night, through his complete idiocy and me listening to my womb (it's very important you listen to your ovaries ladies) that I found out that not only was he seeing someone..that in fact it was his girlfriend of close to 10 years! Yes 10...a decade..yeah imagine MY reaction when I found out and we all know that keeping calm is a complete MYTH with me! How I managed to keep my CRB clean, not commit a crime of GBH on this boy is thanks to Jesus alone!
This guy deserved an Oscar for the extent of covering up his lies, deceit and double life that he had with both of us, and it's crazy when you look back at certain events and times I feel like punching myself because there were numerous times when if I just used my DAMN SENSE and spoke up for myself I could have saved myself the anger, embarrassment and time I wasted on him.
BUT..
Let me start from the beginning, this was someone I had known from the beginning of my teenage years, these times I had braces and braids remember these were the times when Moesha was big and I was obsessed with Brandy (I still am!). We met and long story short we start speaking and became friends and later on years later we started seeing each other. Looking back that was a HUGE rookie mistake that I was quote on quote seeing someone and giving them the good good when they weren't even my boyfriend! But as I said I was young aka STUPID so I made it very clear to him that I am extremely loyal with who I lie down with and I expect the same loyalty from them too, if that situation changes then he must tell me because I don't share penis..no way...no how.
"But why didn't you guys just make it official?"
I know that's what a lot of you are thinking right now, but if I'm honest because we were friends and at that moment of time I didn't want to be in a relationship, it was because of pure convenience that we were on and off, we both knew the status of our relationship, and we were good friends and I'll be honest he knew how to lay the SMACKDOWN in the bedroom department so when I needed that scratch to be itched, he was just a text away (WhatsApp had just started those times..can you imagine?) We spoke regularly, we went out, knew each others friends and had mutual friends, spent together and all that jazz so I didn't feel like I needed anything more at that point. This is why it's important that you don't allow penis/vagine to be the only reason that you allow a person to disrespect you or take advantage of you. I pride myself of being a woman that is a friend first when it comes to being with someone, our friendship is more important than the physical/sexual attraction that we have. To be honest yes it's great when you have met someone that you are sexually compatible with and can blow your back out and have you walking diagonally..however if you don't have that foundation of friendship a void will quickly begin between both of you and you'll realise that it can't just be sex to keep you holding onto that person.
Furthermore we were on and off for several months, there would be times we would spend a lot of time together and times where months would go by and I wouldn't batter an eyelid at this "what's up Rene?" messages he would send me to try and get my attention because he probably had done something to irritate me so I didn't even want to fart on him at that point of time.
NOW..
Back to this particular night when I found out how much a two-timing asswipe he really was,before this happened for a while my womb was telling me that things weren't adding up with him at all. Women you know how powerful your instincts are and they are that way for a reason, our womb will start to quiver when it senses bulls*it and for good reason! I can not stress to you the importance of listening to your ovaries when it comes to someone that you are with!
So my ovaries weren't quite right but I didn't know why, but let's just say my eyebrows were constantly raised and my nostrils were wide open, and my fists were always clenched and I was alert ready for something to come my way and ready to FIGHT ON SIGHT!
One thing about me is my mouth is lethal, I knew that I could be cheeky at times and I like to just cut straight to the real and not sugarcoat things I'm not a cake...don't try sweeten me with words. I respect people that mean what they say and do what they say, it's very hard nowadays to find someone that can be consistent..but that's another blog I will get back to that.
ANYWAY..
There had been several times when him and I would get into "arguments" and I call it that loosely because he had an extremely laid back attitude when it came to disagreements which would make me turn into a pitbull on steroids because his nonchalant attitude would grind my gears that I wanted to kick him in the Adam's apple. I'm quite a "fiery" character I've often been told, don't get me wrong I don't wake up angry at the world for no reason, but my ability to keep calm especially when it comes to lies is non-existent, fiction, a fairytale so when he knew I was ready to turn into Hulk he found that so attractive!
So I would ask certain things and I was not satisfied with the answer, so I would ask him again..and again like I worked for the police and he would try squirm his way out of it with his smile and try change the conversation quickly or I would cuss him out and not speak to him for weeks on end (yes I'm stubborn kiss my ass so what)
SO...
When all was revealed to me, I was surprised because like I said he was someone that I had been friend with for over 10 years, he was in fact a guy that had probably known me the longest like I stated earlier if you knew me in my braces and braids days then you really are a long term friend. I was really angry because he knew how important honesty was to me and how much we had been through and no point did this cockafart think to tell me the truth, when he was caught out and I confronted him (over the phone because he knew better to try speak to me face to face) he told me that he didn't want to tell me because he knew that it would mean we would never speak again....this was his reason for not telling me for how many years..yeah...really...that was basically his reasoning so me being me... I cussed his ass out from head to his toe, spoke to his girlfriend and told her everything and blocked him from my phone and my life.
Years went by and we did not speak, I was praying to Jesus to not let me see this man ever on public because I can not guarantee that I wouldn't want to fu*k him up on sight, and once I got over the embarrassment and anger...I was hurt because we were friends and I expected better from him as a person and it took me a while to admit I was hurt to myself (I didn't to admit that to my friends because my pride is higher than Mount Everest) and one night I got to a point where I was fed up of thinking about the situation and him so I wrote a letter to him and said everything good, bad and obscene in it and once I had go rid of that energy I burned the letter in my sink (it was my mini Waiting To Exhale moment) and I felt so much better.
It was through pure coincidence or God's plan that we ran into each other a few months ago, and we were able to have an adult conversation about how things turned out, he apologised..several times and I noticed that he didn't have that immature nonchalant attitude that made me want to stab him in the heart and twist the knife.
And whilst I will never trust him as far as I can fart him... I've realised that I no longer hold bad feelings towards him and we've both moved on and we are better people now that we are not together anymore.
My advice to you that were in a situation that I was in or you ever have been it's important that you live and learn from the mistakes that you make. There are several times when I should have said or done more and had higher self-esteem.
1) Ask questions..and if you're not happy with the answer ASK THEM AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN (I don't care if it irritates you, and yes it's the 111th time I've asked you AND WHAT!)
2) If you are seeing someone and they are not your man..don't be surprised if he is sleeping with someone else, I don't what he CLAIMS to tell you or you want to believe, you could give him that good good until he's dribbling and conked out on your bed with no boxers but his socks on but once he leaves your house there is no telling what he's up to.
3) If he won't be truthful with you, then go and find the truth out for yourself ..if that means you have to slide into DMS, screenshot a conversation or two I will not judge you if you do because we've all been there..yes even you! Or if that is not your style then just make the decision to finish that relationship abruptly and be honest with them why you are.
4) ALWAYS BE TRUE TO YOURSELF AND NEVER PUT ANYONE BEFORE YOURSELF because relationships come and go all the time but you have to like you first before you go finding a significant other, you have to be aware of what you bring to the table, your needs and what you want out of a relationship. If you know you've been good to a person in a relationship and they have taken the mick..realise that is an insecurity and flaw within themselves and NOT YOU! Not everyone will say thank you for all you have done to them, and it may take you walking away from them to truly value what you did for them.
5) If you are good woman that values and respects yourself..they ALWAYS come back it might take a week, a year or a decade but men know when they have lost a good one...trust me.. *wink*
6) Accept whatever emotions that you are feeling and express them in whatever you feel necessarily whether thats through writing, exercising, or several bottles of wine make sure you have an outlet so you can move on.
7) Forgive not for them but for YOURSELF so you don't go into the next relationship harbouring old feelings from the previous one.
8) Wine helps...and Haagen Daaz Baileys ice cream...and a shopping spree...and heels..BUT NOT SLOW JAMS STAY AWAY AT ALL COSTS.
(I have a Christmas giveaway coming next week be sure to sign up on my website for a chance to win!)
This Thursday I was privileged to be invited to the celebration of 45 years of Ardell lashes which also was the premiere launch of their brand new Press-on lashes (what better way to celebrate right!?)
I'll be honest when it comes to putting on fake eyelashes... I'm rubbish..pants..absolute doo doo, usually I have to get one of my girls to put on for me, I've tried to do it myself once and somehow the eyelashes ended up on my eyebrows..I kid you not! So for years I've decided that I'm just not about that fake lashes life and been abusing whichever mascara would give me that false lash look.
The #Ardell45 launch was nothing short of amazing! It's Hollywood theme paid homage to the birth of the Ardell brand which started in Hollywood to help us ladies look fantabulous and red-carpet ready! The chic and glamorous feel was something set from the onset of the event, greeted by cocktails and amazing nibbles which included the best mini-burger I have tasted in my life I swear to you I was tempted to go to the kitchen and hug the chef...it was that good!
Ardell lashes are infamous not only with make-up artists, celebrities and regular folk as they are made with natural hair yes..you read correctly, and they have a plethora of lashes to fit in with your individual needs or looks for the night..or day!
Now as many of you know I'm more of a natural beauty woman so the lashes recommended for me were the Wispies lashes which thanks to their design add that little sexiness to your eyes and bring out your eyes. As I said before, putting them on myself is a total myth, but Ardell had make up artists at hand who were able to give me a little life lesson on how to apply my lashes and what the different lashes would suit a certain look..there is a science to this one does not simply just add ANY lash to their eyes Vexettes and I'm really not trying to look like a drag queen..not cute!
The Press-on lashes are perfect for those who like me are a complete novice to applying lashes, as the lashes are pre-glued with a patented applicator which allow you simply to apply it to your eyes, the lashes are flexible to make application ten times easier and within seconds you simply push them down and you are good to go!!
There is no glue, no mess, no long instructions, no rage!!! Once my lashes were applied I was amazed at the difference the Wispies made to my eyes! I went in to the event looking like Delia-Rene and left feeling like Beyonce. The lashes are unbelievably light so you don't even feel them or feel conscious of people looking at you whilst wearing them. Additionally thanks to the pre-glued lashes they lasted me the whole night as after this event I went out of the town and not once did I panic that it was somewhere on the floor or in someone's cocktail glass!
The event also had a photo-booth WITH a wind machine all I needed was a mic and I would have acted liked I was holding my own concert! The photo-booth just added to the glam and fun of the night which I took FULL ADVANTAGE of! It took a few takes and through some of them I looked intoxicated but we also had props that made me feel like a kid all over again!
The Ardell Press On Lash are available exclusively at Superdrug , with three styles available: 101 - fuller lashes , 103 - longer but dramatic eyelashes , and finally Wispies - a slight criss-crossed design with a natural look. All three lashes are part of the "Natural" collection of the Ardell brand, which I am now a HUGE fan of and will be a new member of my household!
The lashes are available now and thanks to Superdrugs offer of saving 1/3 on Ardell lashes they are now available at the amazing price of £5.63 ! The natural lashes are currently £3.65!! Talk about bargain and you know I love to save a coin so praise Jesus HALLELU! (whilst stock lasts) A huge thank you to Kilpatrick Team for inviting me to this event I had an amazing time!! Kisses and Bumflicks!
It's funny when you look in things retrospect that you learn alot. Going through certain things in a relationship / friendship purely out of emotion whether it be you being upset or wanting to slap the crap out of somebody it's always important to reflect upon it. But one thing I've realised that you must ALWAYS learn something when exiting a relationship.
Whether it be where you went wrong, he went wrong, what you should have done better to be honest the list is endless but one really important thing is when to realiseto let someone go.
I know that not everyday is a bed of roses and Baileys truffles when in a relationship, because let's be honest... a relationship is HARD WORK sometimes. It comes like a second full time job because if you're not putting 100% into it then you shouldn't be in a relationshn the first place.
Not everyday you're going to lovingly look at your partner and think to yourself "how lucky I am to have you my beloved" this isn't no Boons & Mills romance novel ain't nobody got time for that.
I'll be real there were times when my ex was sleeping beside me I would slap him in the forehead or kick him and act like I was sleeping (don't judge me) there will be times when your partner annoys the HECK out of you.
BUT you have to question how happy you truly are within the relationship and if this relationship is worth fighting for and working on.
We all know after the honeymoon period, the dates and sweet text messsages that your partner uses to lure you into a relationship that it becomes pretty much routine. However people often question
"how do I know when the relationship is over?"
I would say the same feeling you get when you want to enter a relationship is when you will know to exit it as well. The relationship is not going to last if it's only you making an effort, forgetting about your own happiness because you're concentrated so much on there's when it's not being reciprocated?
I've seen time and time again and even in my own past relationships when a person becomes too damn comfortable in a relationship last time I checked my name wasn't "settee" so if you think that you can sit back and do nothing you will be rudely surprised! When a person becomes comfortable they can some up with a presidential speech of how they will change, their feelings for you and not wanting to lose you blah blah (rolls eyes, yawns and munches on a Jaffacake) but we all know words are nothing without action live Olivia Pope said to Fitz "IF YOU WANT ME, EARN MEEEEE" (yh I'm a huge Scandal fan!)
You have every right to give them a chance because unfortunately us women have that annoying thing called "false hope" where we believe our man will turn into Prince Charming and you'll ride off on a white horse into the sunset ... now sometimes men do fix up and realise that if they truly don't want to lose you then things need to change but if this doesn't happen that YOU need to decide on when you've have enough and to let the person go .
At the end of the day you are their partner NOT their parent, you can't teach them everything in life. Last time I checked no child came out of my vagine so I don't have time to be babying no grown ass man (yeah I said THAT).
There are times when we don't acknowledge the things our partner does for you, it's impossible to we're not kids that can have a star chart on the fridge and reward positive behaviour. But if you feel in your gut that you're not getting the love and respect that you deserve then the worst thing you can do is be quiet about it, men are NOT mind readers they can't even do two things at the same time so what makes you think he will know what your feeling?
If you feel that you have tried your best, you've been patient enough, you've had "that" conversation time and time with your partner and all your getting is the same shoulda,woulda,couldas from them and you're truly fed up then you need to be adult enough to say to your partner that the relationship isn't working.
Does it hurt to let someone you like/love go HELL YEAH ! But after several bottles of wine, talks with your close friends, oh and the most important thing time you realise that you made the right decision. Your happiness IS important and if your partner isn't handling business like they're supposed to then you need to hand them their p45!
ALSO! Thursday 16th May was the premiere of the Unfamous Online Series which is a teen drama written by my homegirl @ScottyUnfamous on her books "The Unfamous" the first episode will be out on Thursday until then check out the supertrailer! You don't want to miss it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IATDaCrALjo
Firstly I wanted to start this blog off by saying a heartfelt THANKYOU to everyone that has read my blog, passed it on to someone or supported my events and my writing debut in Venus vs Mars online series. Word's can not express how much I appreciate it and I can't believe that this year I will be celebrating
FIVE yes FIVE amazing blessed years of Vex In The City.
Who would know that I had THAT much rage in me huh? lol I'm playing but it's because off all the support in the UK and internationally that I've been able to celebrate such an amazing landmark especially in this day and age when everyone and a goat has a blog, so thankyou thankyou THANKYOU! Everything I write comes from the heart and I just love what I do and hope that I've given you plenty of laughs and realness over the years.
I need to do something BIG in November to celebrate this milestone something that involves PLENTY of liquor (no I'm not an alcoholic), music and just good vibes but I'll keep you posted!
I wanted to write this blog after I grazed on the subject on Twitter the other day (and if you're not following me on Twitter by now SHAME ON YOU yeah I said it!).
Whilst trying to stay awake watching Beyonce's DULL documentary which to be honest was mostly concert footage, I remembered her interview with Oprah & the fact that she kept her relationship with her husband a secret for so long.
In this day and age where people are blazing ALL their personal business, meals, monthly cycles, clothes and emotions on Twitter, FB, Instagram , Keek the list goes on, if I was placed in the same situation as Beyonce I would have done the same thing!
The thing is when it comes to being in a relationship especially in the early stages when your dating,courting or some of you fast forward and get to fu*king! (I'm not judging you) But whatever you choose to do the first few months is about you getting to know the person and work upon building a foundation in the hope that it will become a serious relationship.
I understand when you found someone you really like, you're all excited, bussing dance moves in your bedroom and smiling like you're endorsed by Colgate because your happy and you want to tell the world, but the trouble is when you tell people TOO SOON!
You don't want to end up telling all you're friends about Shaun (first name that came in my head sorry) and then a few weeks later you're friends like "oh how's things with you and Shaun" and because you're still bitter you're like "fu*k a Shaun that boy weren't serious" and you start going off on one and blaming HIM because you feel stupid for telling so many people about him so early. The more people you tell the more you have to repeat the SAME ASS STORY about it not working out and guess who's continously raged? YOU! It will have you not wanting to date another name with a name that sounds remotely like Shaun again!
Meanwhile Shaun doesn't have the same rage as you because he kept his mouth shut, yeah he might have told people that he's seeing someone and told them a little (noticed I said little) about you but they don't know your name and how your relationship is going? Why? Because Shaun know's that IT'S NOT THEIR BUSINESS
So what Vexy you saying that I should be a man's secret? Am I not worth more? NO calm down! I never said that at all there's a huge difference between
"keeping things secret and BEING a secret"
I'll let that fester in your minds for a while, most people with sense will understand what I mean although basic bit*hes take a while longer to comprehend (it's all good).
If you tell everyone all your business what do you keep sacred for yourself? NOTHING that's what (yes I answered my own question sue me!)
When you're in a relationship would you feel comfortable in knowing that your partner tells everyone what happens in your relationship? That they can't confide in you? That you don't have your own opinion but have to seek others? You get where I'm going here some might think but what has that got to do with keeping your relationship quiet? Quite alot Vexy know's !
If and when your relationship becomes official the right man/woman will have no problem letting other's know you are their partner (I stress the word "right" as much as possible here!) just make sure that what you have with someone is REAL first (this is another blog in itself) When this happens yeah you can tell little AND I MEAN LITTLE information about your relationship, including the cute "how you met each other" which is something everyone wants to know like they expect to hear something extraordinary like he fell into my lap whilst sitting on the bus after a long day at work, do I look like a character out of Disney?
