First and foremost I would like to thank everyone that watched my video alongside Scotty Unfamous about “Bait Bars” on YouTube, we currently have over 4200 views and the love and support we have received for it has been AMAZING! So thanks for that! Everyone make sure that you check out www.youtube.com/sweardowntv you NEED this channel in your life believe me! Big up all the Team Bad Ass of Swear Down TV.
Secondly, thanks to everyone that brought a ticket for my play “Love Is A Losing Game 2” we sold out in less than 3 weeks! I can’t wait to bring back my crazy character Sasha on April 2nd, we should be doing more nights hopefully so make sure you look out for that!
BACK to business, I wanted to answer a question that someone had posed to me on Twitter on the weekend, she asked me:
“Would I date someone that has a child?”
This question then turned into a huge debate on Twitter and you know I love to debate so I thought I would express my views upon this subject (get a cup of tea and a snack it’s going to be emotional).
I recently turned 24 (like carat gold WOOP WOOP) and I have to admit that from the age of I would say 17 upwards, the likelihood of finding a man that has no children is becoming less likely. In these times, to find a decent man with potential and NO kids is like a diamond in the rough. I’m not saying that it doesn’t happen, because there are many men for numerous reasons (or are just too damn lucky) that don’t have children yet.
Me personally, I do get broody from time to time but after watching “One born every minute” it was the most successful form of contraception that ANY female can go through, because ME of all people pushing out a baby from MY kooka is NOT going to happen anytime soon. If I’m completely honest, I am so focused upon my future and my career that I know that a baby is not on my top list of priorities, I have enough baby cousins to spoil until then!
When I was younger, I did date a guy that had a child, I was 19 and he was 21 and he had a 3 year old son, it did take some major adjustment to put it subtly. When you get into a relationship with someone with a child, their priority is first and foremost their child, and then they have to try and keep on good terms with the mother of their children and then YOU come third. Some people may not agree with this viewpoint, but this is how I see it! I’m not in any way saying that people with children can’t handle a relationship with someone else, quite the opposite. Everyone is entitled to happiness regardless of what situation they have been through, but what my point is; do not get into a relationship with someone that has a child unless you are SERIOUSLY prepared for everything that comes with it.
I was naïve in thinking that being in a relationship with this guy was going to be easy. I had the infamous “babymother drama” who was not impressed that he now had a girlfriend, and that consequence affected when he could see his child. I couldn’t help but feel like the catalyst for all the drama he was getting, even though it wasn’t my fault AT ALL. It then took an detrimental effect on our relationship and got to the point where I felt like I was his second child, asking when we were going to see each other, continuously getting disappointed, and before I fu*ked up my CRB for killing his bitch of a babymother and stamping on her chest leaving his child motherless, we eventually broke up. What made the break up ten times harder was the fact that I was now really attached to his son. Anyone that knows me personally knows how well I get on with kids because I’m just simply AMAZING! So now not only was I losing a partner I had to say goodbye to these adorable little child to, and that was not a nice thing to do.
This doesn’t mean that EVERY relationship is going to be filled with the “babymother drama” to often people place the blame on the mothers of these children, yes I admit some are a bit over the top (putting it lightly), but as women we are too quick to side with our boyfriends when it comes to his point of view when it comes to his babymother drama. Drama has to stem from some place, and I for one, know a lot of females with kids that have been through HELL and back and round the corner with the fathers of their children and STILL try as hard as they can to uphold a positive relationship with them for the sake of their child.
My issue is not whether he has a child, but how he is as a father, if you have a child in the world and you do nothing to take care of it, then I can’t respect you as a man. It bewilders me, how people can live without a care in the world knowing that YOUR SEED is growing up without your love and support. Especially in the times that we are living in, children of today NEED both of their parents desperately, because this generation is LOST!
If you do come across a person male or female that has a child, as long as they are taking care of their responsibilities and treating you right as their partner, then I wouldn’t hold the fact that they have a child against them. Yes it’s not the most ideal situation, being real I would prefer the person that I settle down with not to have any children, it would be nice when (and a BIG when) I get pregnant that it’s a new experience for the both of us, I’m not saying that a person would love their 2nd/3rd child any different I’m just talking about the experience and ladies be real how many of you want to be known as the 2nd mother of his children, it’s not an easy pill to swallow but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be done. You could be the 2nd and the wife!
Furthermore, I know a lot of females will say “well how do you know that he’s not still sleeping with his babymother and me at the same time” fair point, and this DOES happen, at lot of guy will act like there babymother is the spawn of Satan, but when he goes over to see his child he does a complete 360. You can never be 100% confident that he won’t sleep with her or any other female, they have a life long bond which unfortunately no one but God can come in between. Again this is where you have to question whether you really want to get into a relationship with someone that has a child, if you don’t trust him as a boyfriend without a child then your insecurities are going to be confronted 10 fold when he does. If he/she is displaying shady characteristics and your womb is telling you that something isn’t right, then I would trust your womb love.